Confession on my New Year's Resolution

So in next few days- a fresh year will dawn and like always I will be making  a new resolution. And before I sense it, my precious resolutions would have gone down the drain. Well that's pretty much me with keeping my New Year's resolution. Classic right?

I sometimes wonder whether I am the only one left on this face of the earth, who is failing to keep resolution after resolution. Well I try hard to keep up with my word but just can't sustain it. Or may be am not trying real hard. (Gosh I should be awarded a gold for my clumsiness if you understand what I am saying) 

Last year I have made a resolution to jog one mile everyday to flatten my tummy. Well I did fine for few weeks and then my schedule started to fall back. And within a month I had completely stopped it. So am little suspicious of my new resolution this year.

CONFESSION: In last 10 years time frame, I have made 10 different resolutions and can foolishly say that I have failed nine of them miserably. Yup, just 1 out of 10! Don't judge me but that's how I roll people. 
Now many of you might be in a hurry to know which one I got hold of, right? So it was in the year 2009, that I promised to keep my resolution as reading one book every month. That I nailed it. Infact I am still continuing even today. 

I guess, a key to succeed in keeping one's resolution is to, remember and set what one likes most as a resolution. Otherwise its just a lie over a beer to our friends and loved ones. So yes am thinking of a passionate resolution for 2013. 

Happy New Year to all the readers!

Failure is not the end my friend

Well, I am a teacher and I make mistake sometimes. The fact of the matter is; we all do. But despite all that, if I allow a major failure now, the consequences can be severe repercussions for my children.

Therefore it is very important for me to understand both- my strengths and limitations. I must know under which circumstances I am likely to fail and also should know where to seek some helping hands.

Pic source: google

This little consciousnesses got better of me especially now, because of all the mistakes that I have committed during my age of adolescence. So thanks to that stage, for today I can stair around when obstacles block my path.

Adolescence is the time where we can test our limits, and it is through this precious testing, that we can understand our strengths and weaknesses.

Learning to deal with mistakes helps us prepare for the realities of the world where things don't always turn out as planned, even if we try really hard.

As a teacher, I can see so many students trying to avoid failures and mistakes at all cost. Their stakes are very high. They don't want to disappoint their parents for their parents expect best from them. They are made to believe that failing can devastate their aspirations in life. (kind of programmed mindset)    

So I ask, well not anyone but myself- if they (children) can't commit mistakes now then when?

Well, I believe that, adolescence is the time which offers rooms for colossal failures and push their limits, despite of failing or success thing.

It is through failures that one can learn to navigate adversity successfully.    

If there is anybody whose believes crosses mine then take a time to answer the following questions:

1. When will they understand their limitations ?
2. How and when will they learn to seek help?
3. How would they know to push their boundaries in order to unleash their creativity? 
4. When will they learn that greatest of the innovations are discovered through countless failures? 

Peaceful thinking

It is certain that when people do well to us, we do the same goodness to them, but how about when people do wrong or bad to us?

There are times when we get hurt, betrayed, left out in either small or grand way. when such kind of downers happens to us, the stimuli are broken- hearted, maimed emotionally or untimely depression.

Then the retrospect dawns on us to hurt back or punish in the same way they have proposed. As learning-to-be-perfect-being, these feelings and impulses are quite normal. But there is always a question; what happens if we get caught  up in a reaction and go overboard? Well, I suppose, this is because of the release and satisfaction which makes us think- we are justified.

And the other person overreact too; in vicious cycle. So these unsettling dusts of chaos linger on. It imposes a harder situation to sort out in sensible way.

As Buddha said long ago, "Getting angry with another person is like throwing a hot coal with bare hand; both the parties get burned." Also as Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

The bottom line of this self-judged argument is, no matter whatever the situations and reasons be, if we learn to accept others just as they are and most importantly ourselves as just 'US', there wont be this so called REVENGE THING! But just have to remember,  No superficial characters, no nothing- just 'US'

This is because when we find peace within our self, not out there in others, our social judgement builds up in more positive way, leading to focus more on good things, which we can let go peacefully. So no eye-eye-thing.
      

Anti-social disease (Gossiping)

Pic: google

There is this one thing that all of us are doing most of the time. And the thing is - to talk about other people. And that too in derogatory way behind their backs to maim them of their actual image. But why?

I guess the gossiping keeps us connected and also when we gossip about other's shortcomings, we feel better of ourselves. well that's how we feel but is that so?

Absolutely NOT! The more we gossip of others, the more inferior we reflect of our own character. Our weakness of not being able to handle other's good and bad draws our unnecessary attention to gossip, which is totally bad both morally and ethically.

Societies are divided due to this anti-social disease. The act of gossiping is so addictive; catching almost everyone in a snowballing effect.

Truthfully reporting to others the immoral and depraved behavior may indeed be essential. But if we aren't careful to contain our judgement to maintain a compassionate stance towards the person about whom we speak- we risk of being slandered ourselves.

We have a saying in Bhutanese custom which goes, 'Never share filth when in harmony for one cannot repent later in clash.'

Hence giving second thought before talking about others behind their back. After all great talkers are never great doers.

     

Keeping thoughts within ourselves

There are times when we feel like we could give in some share of our opinions to friends, families or colleagues. It is during such times that people get offended without any prior intention.

The random opinions or comments could be like; friend having to to improve his working habit, families having to demand less, wife's sincerity to clean house etc.

We want to let these people know the truth but somehow it goes all wrong. So we are left wondering whether it was them for not being able to take in the truth or us for not being able to put in proper passive words. Well, Our intention could be real kind but quite often- it goes all downhill.

So it is therefore best to be silent. Just by keeping our share of thoughts within ourselves saves the day of putting up an argument with others on an unfaithful day.

On the second thought, I guess we can share some subtle hints without having to bluntly honest and hope that they could improve from there. But these aren't in our option, many a time.

As a social being, we work everyday tirelessly to keep our relation on steady speed. That's why, most of the time we avoid sharing truth face to face which could cause embarrassment to our peers.

On the lighter side with the brighter people, it is lot better to tell nothing but truth. Well they retort back but take in our comments much wisely. Kind of win-win situation.

Judging the book by its cover!

There is an old adage that says, 'Don't judge the book by its cover.' But seriously, how true is this statement? How far is it correct? Does it really apply? Well, that's a lot of questions there but valid, I suppose!

Sometimes, I believe, we can judge book by its cover and the reason is because appearance predicts behavior in unanticipated ways. This connection between looks and personality factor is just like a chicken-or-egg puzzle. And most bizarrely, we can play out on every face we meet.

Through the time, whenever we meet with new people- the capability to quickly extract information from faces has given us an edge in predicting personality and behavior. With this we can discern who's sick, whom to trust, who's intelligent,  who's tidy, sexy, beautiful  caring, warm, kind or who might con us at the very instant. Our looks complete us.

A person with a glass is presumed to be intelligent, girl with a long hair  to be beautiful  fat person to be lazy and slow and the illustrations and the foreseen character builds on.     

Many a time, we look at other's face and glean one or two critical cues from it, often without much conscious of knowing how.

This trend of snap judging from the faces may not be sincerely accurate, but still, when at the moment where danger's looming across- it does a magic. Don't believe me? Wait for your turn.

  

Why aren't we celebrating ?

It has been quite sometime that I pondered my share of thought  over so called "Thanks Giving Day",  which is celebrated mostly in the west. From what I understand, the day is celebrated to express one's gratitude towards their loved ones. This particular tradition or the trend has somehow poked my mind to express my thought.

So I wonder, why don't we, (Bhutanese) have such a fine celebration? I mean, wouldn't it be nice to sit around with your families and friends over a fine dinner and express our share of THANKS to who ever has been good on us? It definitely would, for sure.

We do have so many other celebrations over so many random occasions, but not a day to lighten up and say thanks. And for some mad donkey's reason, I don't get it.

Often we feel like, we are living in a pretty crappy world where things are more than often scandalous. Streets and dark alleys are most of the time filled with crazy people, ready to mob anybody they see. Or may be our own candidate didn't win or worse- we hate our job. So you see these are some shitty things that drones us most of the times.

As it turns out, we have all sorts of emotional distress in our day to day life.  Now, I ask again, Should we have a day, which is officially kept, so as to celebrate the gratitude expression day, to make our hassling life little beautiful?  

Everyone of us like to feel, physically and emotionally good. But on the larger level, as a  considerate social being, we yearn for acceptance and attention from our loved ones, many a time. It is also no wonder, that relations grow better with APPRECIATION, so why not celebrate, THANKS GIVING!     

On a serious note

Many of us feel that we are fortunate to have three meals a day and warm cloths to cover our body but there are many people out there who aren't so fortunate like the rest of us. Of- course we say that we are sorry for them and wish to do something to alleviate their hardship but like always- we end up doing nothing substantial.
May be we are not so serious about this after all.

On a serious note, I believe that we are living a fake life especially when we are all BUDDHIST!
Having brought up in a society that has taught us to see GOD in every living matter, there is no rarity of seeing few people, who are  willing to do their mite for the happiness of fellow human- being. Now the question here is, why so less of these wonderful people?

One can see people petting most expensive of the pets to share their comfort. These so called pets gets to enjoy the luxurious of the life there is, when the same of our fellow beings are living mostly with half filled stomach.

So those generous folks who wishes nothing but mere happiness of others through small deeds live in a modest of the houses with minimum comfort but have a heart of a GOLD.
Yes these godly beings are ordinary ones like me and you but their willingness of giving makes them extra-ordinary than us.
They derive happiness from doing small impeccable deeds for other's well-being. 

As a Buddhist, we believe in praying for the well-being of all the sentient beings. With little more effort, if we can convert our prayers to an action, life would be all worth living. 
Living for a cause, I suppose!       

Being Chased

L

ittle Dema sat on the veranda of her aunt’s house with her rag doll on her lap. The afternoon sun pierced through the giant banyan tree and casted its dying shadow on her aunt’s small wooden cabin.

She was waiting for her mother. Her mother however was engaged in a deep conversation with her sister inside the cabin. 

‘Why don’t you spend the night here?’ protests her aunt. ‘Oh we will be fine,’ replied her mother. ‘Anyhow, her father will be expecting us there by dinner.’

The good bye bidding inside broke her musing and stood up to leave with her mother.

They have come to her aunt’s house to reach her finished woven kira (dress).  The distance was a half days walk from her aunt’s house to theirs’.

Get your shawl Dema. When the sun goes down, it gets awfully chilly because of the winter wind.

As they prepare to leave, her aunt handed them a fire torch to use on the way when it get dark. Dema secured her shawl on her shoulders and tossing one side around and over again, picked up the torch, which was already lit. Holding on her right hand, the pair proceeded with the trek back home.

Their way wound around the mountains and through the valley with two wooden bridges to cross. Once on the bridge, her mother started telling her story about a far away town. The little girl loved hearing her mother’s stories of all the big cities far away.  

By the half of their journey, it was already getting dark. Dema feared darkness but her mother’s soothing voice calmed her fears. A hoot owl's mournful cry floated out of the encroaching darkness and Dema tightened her grip on her mother's hand.

 Finally, night enveloped the landscape fully, and all that could be seen was the shimmering glow of their torch and the shadow of the figures behind it. It was a moonless night, and the faint glow of a few stars faded in between the moving clouds.  

 ‘Mother, it's so scary in the dark. Will God watch over us and protect us?’

‘Yes Dema, just chant your Ba Dza Guru (mantra). Nothing will happen to us.’

While contemplating her mother's advice, Dema was distracted by a sound. The sound came from the direction they had traveled from, and the girl's eyes peered into the ink like darkness. It was very faint, but unlike the other noises she had grown used to along the way.

 ‘Mother, do you hear that?’  ‘Hear what child?’

 Dema moved closer to her mother and said, ‘somebody else is coming!

Her mother gives a comforting hug and replied, ‘You’re just imagining things Dema.’

After walking some distance, the sound that had unnerved the little girl began again. This time the steps were more distinct and lot closer. The heavy boot echoed in the dark.

Again her mother gives her a promising assurance and walks with faster pace. Dema secured the grip on her mother’s hand and holds her doll closer. The crickets kept filling the darkness.

Look Dema, it’s the last bend. After that bend, we will be home.  But the sound was getting even closer. Dema felt like the stranger was catching on them.

Amidst the total fear, her mother started chanting prayer loudly to keep up the child’s spirit. 

Just around the last bend, they saw their father coming towards them. So Dema felt relieved.

Her father lifted her and carried her rest of the way home. Once inside the house, Dema went straight to the bed skipping dinner.

Just before closing her eyes, her mother’s voice rang in her ear. ‘I heard the steps back there. I told lie because I didn’t want to scare Dema. I kept chanting prayers but on the last bend, I saw a figure of a man without head. 

Agonizing pain for being alone.

Karma is visiting his wife in the hospital. It has become somehow like a routine for him to come to the hospital, to see his darling wife, every other day.

‘How are you feeling today?’ he asks, settling near her bed. Wangmo had been admitted to the hospital, a month ago. ‘Am fine’, answers Wangmo. She has become painfully yellow compared to last few days.

She stretches her feeble hand towards Karma and holds his hand. ‘You look tired,’ says Karma. ‘Are you sleeping well?’

‘Oh I was little restless yesterday.’  Wangmo doesn’t talk about the excruciating pain her body’s enduring all the time: she doesn’t want her husband to worry.

‘Any word from Tashi?’ she asks.

Karma shakes his head without looking at her. She turns her head towards the wall.

Tashi, their eldest son, works as a teacher at Mongar. He has left home after getting a job and has never come home.  So their son has become just a name. But despite all the unfairness droned upon them by their precious son, they have never lost hope of seeing him.   

Karma gazes dreamily across chattering hospital ward. The patients lying there looks like a dead corpse so he shifts his sight towards his darling wife.

‘Has the doctor come for the check up?’ karma asks his wife.

‘Yes, just before you came,’ answers his wife in a feeble voice.  ‘Any idea how long they will keep you here?’

Wangmo turn away and coughs into a tissue, then settles back and takes Karma’s hand again. ‘I don’t know. I am sorry to be such a bother.’

Karma wanted to cry his heart out but holds back for the sake of his dear wife. She never wanted to see tears on his eye.

Her small chest heaves under her heavy blanket. Time seems to forget its essence here in the dead zone. The minutes pass in heated tedium.  

'This must be very boring for you,' she says, without opening her eyes.

'Not at all. It does me good to see you.'

 'It's not nice having to visit anybody in hospital. It's so depressing.'

 'Nonsense.'

Wangmo settles her head further back against the dark pillow and braves a smile.

‘You should leave now, Karma. I think I might sleep for a while’

Karma walks slowly outside towards the bench to get some sunlight. 

That night Wangmo passes away in a sleep. Karma knows too well that, hence it’s all by himself.   

Do you really need a bridge?

Dorji and Tashi were two brothers who lived on an adjoining farm. Everything was quite well until one day, they fell into conflict.

Now it was a serious rift in over 40 years of living side by side. Up until now, they had shared everything starting from bulls, tools and even labors without a slightest hitch.

Then the distance started getting better of them. It started as a small misunderstanding, which grew into massive difference, forcing them into exchanging bitter words. Since then everything halted into silence.

One ordinary morning, there was a knock on Dorji’s door. There was a carpenter, when he opened the door. ‘I am looking for a few days work’, said the carpenter.

“As a matter of fact, I do have a perfect job for you. Look over there. Do you see that farm. Well that’s my neighbor, infact it’s my brother, you see. Last week, he dug up a creek over there, which had meadow. He did that to spite me, but I will get better of him. So you build me a 10 foot fence, so that I don’t have to look at his barn, anymore”, said Dorji.

The carpenter didn’t say a word. He immediately got into action.

Dorji had to go to a town, so he left, giving all the charges to the carpenter. The carpenter worked all day; measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when  Dorji returned to his farm, to his utter surprise, he saw a bridge instead of a fence, which was neatly built and it went right till his brother’s farm.

As he walked to the middle of the bridge, he saw his brother coming from the other end, with hand outstretched. “I am sorry for making you to build this bridge”. As Dorji turned to the carpenter, he was already hoisting his tool box to leave.

The brothers pleaded the carpenter to stay some more days, to which the carpenter said, “I have got many bridges to build.”

Often we fall into disagreement. And we think we are right and others are simply wrong. Here our ego is getting better of us. So when such an unfaithful events unfurl, remember, ‘when nails grow, we cut the nail, not the finger. Similarly when misunderstandings grow, cut your ego not relationship.

God, those postmen stole my money!

Dorji works in a post office in a sulky town in the Far East. His job was to check on the mails (letters) and process it, which had illegible or faulty addresses.  

 

So one day, when he was deeply engrossed in his scheduled work, his eye caught an unprecedented address on a brown envelope. On it was written, ‘to god.’

He thought, he might as well open it and see what that is all about.

Inside was letter crafted with a shaky handwriting and it read:

Dear god,

I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension from the army headquarter. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred Ngultrum in it, which was all the money I had, until my next pension check."

"Next Sunday is Blessed Rainy Day, and I had planned a humble dinner for my two children. But without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. My wife died a month ago and I don’t have any family to turn to, so you are my only hope. Can you please help me?"  

The postal worker was immensely touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into their wallet and came up with a few notes. By the time he made tone round, he had collected 96 Ngultrum, which he put into an envelope and sent over to him.

Several days elapsed and all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had  done. Blessed Rainy Day came and went. So few days later came another letter, from the old man to God, again. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read,

"Dear God,

 How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my two sons. We had a very nice day, and  I told my sons of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was 4 ngultrum missing. It is no doubt that, it’s the work those thieving bastards at the post office !!!!!!

Lesson!

Ha ha…. Did such a thing happen to you guys? It sure did with me. You know, you try and do some generous deed to other, with a hope that they would actually thank you but they repay you in a mind boggling manner. The down side is; we just can’t do anything, like those post men.  Quite a gratitude right?

2 Choices! How do you want to go about?

You wake up and go to the breakfast table. A hot simmering tea is waiting for you. You are already late for your office which reminds you to hastily empty the cup. But suddenly your son stomps behind you, for no appropriate reason, and in the process, spills the tea all over your gho (dress). Now is your turn to react, so you got 2 choices!

Choice 1

Flaunt some harsh words to your son for his carelessness and some to your wife for her for whimsical manner. Strom in to change your gho, and finally rush off to your office, without saying a word. (Here you will lose great amount of time)    

Wait, that’s not the end. Your colleagues greet you but you are in no mood to greet back for you say “it’s not a good day and is too late for work.”    

Now let’s reflect back and see the aftermath of your action.

After your good scolding, your son cry and would be still crying when you leave for your work. So he isn’t in a mood to go to school. And even if he’s in school, he won’t be himself for a while. So at the end of a day, when you finally return home, he won’t speak to you first, unless you speak.

Your wife would feel that you have changed. She would be hurt because you have scolded her for no good reason. (After all, it’s her who will have to wash that gho anyway. So how does it comprehend you to scold her?) So when you return back home, of course you will get your tea but she most probably won’t look at you.  

Your colleagues, on the other hand will feel that you have lots of unpredictable chapters. So they won’t warm up to you well enough.

So you see how many other’s day have you maimed for a lousy spilled tea. Is it worth it? Definitely NO! After all, it’s said that, ‘there is no point, crying over spilt milk.’

Choice 2

As soon as your son spills the tea, he would be scared, that’s for sure. So you just say in a nicest of the way “its fine. No big deal. Don’t do that again, my son. See daddy’s dress is spoiled.” He would probably feel bad but would cheer up soon, which leaves your wife out of the matter.

So you walk back in the room, change dress and go to work. You would be late for sure, but won’t be more than afore mentioned choice. You can even greet back to your mates, for your mood is all in perspective. Every one will have wonderful day. And when you return back home, your wife would meet you with a nice hot tea creamed with her beautiful smile. Your son would walk in with his day’s story.

Now I ask all you wonderful readers out there; how do you want to go about for you have 2 choices?

Ever got tired of sitting in the office?

How would you feel if you have to go to the swamps, that too every day, to collect your living? And too top the quandary, if the living is SNAKES!

I don’t know anybody’s executing feelings but for me, most probably my lungs would be in my mouth.

I just can’t stand the sight of these slippery and slimy creatures. But in some parts of the world these slimy creatures are their sole income for their family.

Like in Cambodia, a father and a son takes a voyage everyday to the marshy swamps to collect snakes. These snakes provide them with their living. 

 Son counting their catch for the day  

If I knew any better from my parents; they told me that snakes are not to be eaten as meal but now I resent on believing whatever they said.

Here, the entire family members give hands to pile up their saving by collecting snakes. The snakes are arbitrarily considered like a toy, well that’s until the dinner time because these long slippery creatures are their recipe.

Children sees with admiration  

Once they collect enough to consume, the duo (father and son) heads towards the market to trade their catch (snakes) for other groceries.

Helping hand; counting

Now these acts aren't like walk in a park because while on the hunt, there are every chances that they stumble on a wrong one; cobras! Well one can pretty much imagine the after math if they does. Despite all the possible obstructions, they do it every single day.

weighing in the market

So next time if you get tired of sitting on that chair in your office, imagine yourself in that father’s shoe. Guess that will boost you up for the day.    

finally some cash

Courtesy: Human Planet (BBC Production Documentary) 

BEND but don’t BREAK!

There were times during my boyhood where I used to fancy going near the river banks and watching those bamboos fight against the river currents. Now the reason why I fell in love with this natural predicament was because no matter how strong the river current tried to win the tug-of-war with those bamboos; the bamboos just wouldn't give in.

Of course the bamboos did bend to the fullest due to the pressure but would never break!  I saw them getting back up-straight gracefully just as the current subsided.

So now I think we have an important lesson to be learnt here. Those bamboo’s ability to get back to its own posture withstanding the currents defines the word “flexibility.”

Today we are no better than those bamboos. Every day we have to tackle all sorts of pressure, directly or indirectly. During such times, we have to remember to act like those bamboos.

When the system imposes ill adversities, we shouldn’t get swayed along with it, rather show some flexibility and get back to who we are, when it’s all over.

There are times when we feel like snapping from the middle for endless reasons depending on various situations. These are the times, where we need to show the strength of a bamboo.   

There are good times and also bad times in our life.  So next time when we are at the verge of breaking point, remember to BEND but not BREAK!

Show some resilience, will you?

Believe in your self

Sometimes when we wake up in the morning we find things - not really like how we have hoped them to be. And we feel it to be a day’s downer!

But if we think little bit straight, that’s when we have to stay put without panicking and remind ourselves to get better of one- self.

There are times when people disappoint us or even let us down blatantly and we- disdainfully burn in the fire of our own ego. What a bummer!

Actually those are the times where we need to trust our own judgment rather than getting carried away along with our emotions.

Believing in our self, staying focused in life and most importantly learning to accept are keys to get back with our life.  

Yes, it isn’t easy but those adversities will really test our senses of who we really are; our purpose.

When we are living through the dark days of losing and frustrations; remind ourselves to stay calm and believe in one self. Only times of struggling and unexpected responsibilities will test the unexposed zeal in us.

So believe in ourselves.

Making up for the unused shutter

It’s been a while, since I have used my lens. My camera literally got ignored for a time being as I got caught up in the web of my daily schedule.

 Well to make up for the lost time, am posting these random shots.  

Believe it or not!

Y

ou know, if you travel some 12 miles up the Berteng village, one can see, a sole house standing in the middle of no – where. 

The legend has it that the whole generation of the people living in this house has been wiped out by the serpent king, believe it or not! 

Here is the story!

Some 100 years ago, there used to be a very beautiful girl living in this house with her age old parents and two caring elder brothers.  She was a god’s perfect creation which gathered lovers from far and near.

Now, there used to be a serpent living in that vicinity, which had the ability to transform into a fine gentle man during the day and back to serpent at night.

It wasn’t long before the serpent’s heart grew tender towards that girl. He literally fell for her, like any other mortal being.

The girl too, couldn’t resist his godly look and loved him whole-heartedly. So they became inseparable in time.

But then, there stood a barrier between their bonding- her two elder brothers. They rejected her faithful plea- blatantly. In fact, they planned to kill her lover for good.

So one unfaithful night, when the serpent king came to his lover’s place, her two brothers slashed him into several pieces. It was the end.

When the news reached her, she just couldn’t resist her brother’s aversion towards her lover, hence died of a massive heart attack.

The epic has it that; then on; each family member died in sequence. Even the distant relatives weren’t spared. After all it was the curse of a Serpent King.

Post script

Today, there is an old grandmother, who is a distant relative, (last of her clan) living in that house. People say, ‘she’s waiting for her turn to go.’